Every 22 year old experiences this…

This is ramblings from my head about the troubles and uncertainty of finishing college and relationships.

10:21pm 8 Aug. 2018

As I sit in my new apartment, Lo-Fi playing in the background, my surroundings rather bare. My picture frames lay, leaning against the wall in their intended spots. I find myself in a rather contemplative mood. I stand at the threshold of a new year and I feel as though this upcoming year will involve more uncertainty. Not just because I’ll be finishing my MBA, but for other reasons as well.

I’ll have to find a job, a place to live, and I’ll probably be moving away from all the friends I’ve built here at college. This is all very much hard to bear for someone who’s parents have been providing for his whole life. I’m eternally grateful and thankful for the support my parents have given me. I wonder if all of that support may end up having a negative effect in later life. But, I’ll worry about those problems in due time.

I think what gives me the most uncertainty right now, because it’s a big part now, is relationship status. Having been single for a year now, I’m wanting to try to experience something new with someone new. But, I’ve met someone and I can tell that I like her and that the feelings are mutual. I just don’t know if my feelings of attraction are as strong as hers. I don’t know if I’m comparing her to my previous relationship or if because I don’t know as much about her that’s what’s giving me these feelings.

I definitely don’t want to lead her on because that’s cold, and heartless. But, is it leading her on if I’m unsure? I don’t know. I know there are sayings along the lines of you can’t please everyone and you’ll end up hurting someone eventually. I know it’s wrong to live your life with the fear of hurting someone because you can’t please everyone. But, part of me can’t help but, want to avoid hurting someone at all costs. I’ve been hurt before and if I was the cause of someone else’s pain, it would leave me distraught.

All of this being said, I’ve come to the conclusion that you have to be young and dumb before you can be old and wise. Meaning the oldest and wisest have the best stories, how else did they get old and wise? They would’ve had to make mistakes to learn and grow from them. I can’t expect to be perfect and I definitely can’t expect to please everyone. Trying something new will be good for me and give me a chance to show improvements. If I feel as though it’s going nowhere what’s a way to end it gently?

Genuinely curious if anyone else experiences this. Also if you have an answer to the question I would love to hear it.